Fear , often , in the long nights

Hospital gave me medication which initially hesitated to take , since I knew that they have side effects . I had read that this type of treatment should be a last resort , when it has become clear that the question is to be or death . Life , always have appreciated its quality and not by how many years it takes . Medications and left for a long time interrupt hospital . I refused to be a part of their statistics . Preferova alternative medicine and tried to increase my vital energies , which bear me alive . Later , when I went back to the hospital , they were more interested than before and wanted to know for my alternative treatments . Most said : " We expected to come and ask something from us." I knew that none of the drugs I received , I would not have hurt . No adverse effects expected of them . I feel that they help me . Several times , my body struggled with the cold and minor illnesses . It seems that my immune system is still functioning . Started antiretroviral treatment , which doctors recommendedMust admit , that since the initial euphoria , constantly , there have been moments that I felt that I was near death . Fear , often , in the long nights I cried . I do not fear death , but wonder how this happened , I feared that I would be strong enough to leave this life with dignity and mental integrity intact ? I worried that I will have a pain so strong , how would I need to use drugs against pain , with effects that dull opinion .